Monday, 17 October 2011

Infidelity!

I am reading a book at the moment and it's got me thinking about infidelity and whether it can ever be justified.  The main character is married to a very controlling husband, he wants a wife that stays home and plays house, looks after his children and his every need.  The woman needs more.  Before her marriage she had a career that she loved and had been bullied into giving up.  When she crosses the husband and returns to work part-time things start to go wrong and she ends up sleeping with a colleague.

I can honestly say hand on heart that when I got married I took my marriage vows very seriously and as far as I was concerned it was for life.  From the moment I got pregnant with my second child things started to falter.  My feelings towards him changed.  At first I put it down to my hormones.  Everyone who has ever been pregnant will know what those can do to you. Everything about him annoyed me.  The way he breathed annoyed me.

When my son was born, after a very traumatic birth I might add, I didn't feel like he was there for me anymore.  We had drifted apart and for the next 18 months we plodded on, stuck in a rut.  We didn't argue.  We didn't communicate at all, which was probably worse. I remember numerous occassions thinking there must be more to life than this.  I thought about leaving but I had made my choice and believed in my heart that things, in time, would get better. At no point would I ever have cheated on him.  He was my husband and that was that.

To say it was a shock when he left was an understatement.  It came right out of the blue.  After an argument one night, he slept on the sofa for two nights, before on the third night putting our daughter to bed, saying goodnight to her and then walking out the door.  For good.  He swore to me that there was no one else  involved and he just needed some space to sort his head out.  Yeah right. 3 months later he was taking a girl on a swanky all inclusive holiday to Egypt.  Hmmm like I was suppose to believe that they had just met. Whilst he accused me of not fighting hard enough to keep him.

Excuse me, Did he think I would fall at his feet and crumble, weeping, begging him to stay.  He obviously didn't know me that well.  I have my pride and I certainly won't beg.   Ok, our sex life had died a death.  It was non-existent.  Do I blame him for looking elsewhere.  Of course.  Marriage is about more than sex.  isn't it?  It's about being in a partnership.  The two of you against the world.   Being there for each other through thick and thin.  So, NO.  In my opinion there is no excuse for infidelity.

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