Monday, 23 July 2012

100 shades of me

Everybody that knows me, knows how temperamental, difficult, stubborn and stroppy I am.  They know exactly to handle the mood swings and inevitably run for cover and leave me alone until the mood as fizzled out and died. Mostly ignoring anything I say or do.  I then call them up, right as rain, as if nothing has happened.  It's just accepted and a long standing family joke.  I have always been the same.  I don't expect I will ever change and to be honest if I did then I wouldn't be me anymore.

I have recently been getting to know someone and we have been chatting and texting a fair bit.  I have always maintained that I am difficult and to be honest I know that I am a nightmare.  I don't thing they really took me that seriously. So imagine there reaction when they are subjected to a strop and a mood for the first time.  It has not been a pretty few days.

I have been thinking a lot about the fairly complex person that is me.  In fact, I think I am going to write a book and call it 100 shades of me.  I would love to be one of those people that is always happy and the same level headed person day in, day out.  The fact is I could not be more different.  I never know what type of mood I will wake up in and it only takes the littlest thing to go wrong in the day to change the mood from the happy me to being totally evil.

On the bad side of me there is the moody, stroppy, stubborn me but then I can flip in a matter of seconds and revert to being happy, laughing, loving and caring. The only way to deal with the bad side is to let it run it's course, not take me to seriously and wait for the demons to disappear. 

I am very much my own person and I am fiercely independent.  I don't take kindly to being told what to do and the more people push me, the more I will dig my heels in and do the exact opposite.  I honestly don't know how I will ever handle being in a full time relationship again,  These last couple of years I haven't had to think about anyone but me and the kids.  I have actually probably been in some ways the happiest I have been for a while and I was being true to myself and doing what I wanted to do with me life.

This may sound a bit strange but the majority of the time I actually enjoy being on my own. I do like being single.  I'm not a people person.  I like nothing better then to get the kids to bed, turn off the TV and just have some quiet me time.  A time where I don't have to talk to anyone.  I can be totally selfish and do exactly as I please.

All I can say is the next couple of months may be interesting, if not a little stressful.  I can see emotions running high and turmoil may be heading my way. 

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