Monday, 18 November 2013

Tough Love

My little man had a lesson in tough love over the weekend.  These last few months he hasn't wanted to go and spend any time with his dad.  He will go for a few hours and then start kicking off and wanting to come home.  This weekend he decided that he wasn't going to sleep at his dad's.  Now that's normally not a problem but this weekend I had plans to go out on Saturday night. Plans which annoyingly I had to cancel.

I'm beginning to think it is all just a game to him.  He's a clever little boy and he has realised that if he kicks up a fuss and demands to come home, we bend and he gets his own way. Resulting in him spending one to one time with mummy and getting all the attention he wants.  That's not fair on my little lady.  I very rarely get to spend quality one on one time with her but that is going to change.

It is a fine line with Charlie as his behaviour over the past few months hasn't been great and this past couple of weeks he has really settled down and there has been a massive improvement.  The anger he's displayed just lately has calmed right down and I feel like I have my lovely little boy back again.  Therefore, I am very wary about pushing the issue and putting things back to square one.

On the other hand, he can't totally control my life and put an end to the rare few nights out I have or the spare time that I so much need sometimes.  Being on your own your time is precious.  There is no one coming home at the end of the day to relieve the pressure when you've had a bad day.  I am mum and dad all rolled into one 99% of the time. I wouldn't change it for the world but I do treasure the few hours I get to myself.

Although me and his dad don't see eye to eye on a lot of things the one thing I do know is that he does want to see the kids and spend time with them.  That's something I encourage as I don't want my kid's growing up and not knowing their dad. Whatever has gone on in the past I want him to play a part in their life.

So, I gave up my night out, reluctantly.  Come Sunday he point blank refused to go back to his dad's.  He wanted me to sit and build in Lego with him.  I told him in no uncertain terms that I had a busy day with lots to do and that didn't involve playing Lego.  "I don't care,  I'm not going and I'm staying with you." he shouted.  "OK," I agreed, "but you are going to have a very boring day." I told him.

After the food shop, came the ironing and lots of other little jobs I had to do.  He moaned and whinged and had to basically occupy himself.  Once the jobs were completed I decided that as this was technically my time I would sit and read my book for half an hour.  That didn't go down well with him at all.  He kicked off and screamed but I told him in no uncertain terms that this was my weekend off and he would have to get on with things.

Come half past two he was begging to go to his daddies,  Telling me how much he loved his daddy and how much he missed him.  "Too late," he was told.  You made your choice this morning and your plan for my undivided attention has backfired and now you have to live the consequences.  I was told in no uncertain terms that I was the worst mummy in the world. To add salt to the wounds when my little lady came home she's had a lovely day with a trip to the park and then a visit to see Santa's reindeer.  "It's not fair" he screamed.  "I've been nowhere but boring asda shopping."

He was in a right strop last night and this morning but he has to learn that he can't always have his own way.  Seems like my little plan has worked.  He may not be so hasty to rush home now when he should be spending time with this dad. 

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